15 Things Affecting Your Mental Health and Happiness You May Not Realize. How Many Are You Doing? —Part I

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May is Mental Health Awareness Month in an effort to encourage people to seek mental health treatment if you are feeling depressed or suicidal. The movement is also to help break the stigma of seeking therapy. So many people don’t seek treatment for fear of being thought of as unbalanced or crazy. Mental health treatment has gotten a bum rap from previous old-world generations resistant to treatment calling it psychobabble or hokey. More open-minded resistant to mental wellness people think, “Mental health may be for other people, but it’s not for me.” Meanwhile, they continue to suffer when help, hope and tools are out there. If they would only let go of outdated old-world beliefs that mental wellness is for everyone else but them. Mental health is for everyone. That is why seeking help if you’re not feeling like your regular self and want a better life, is an act of bravery going against societal judgment. 

Life is not perfect. There will be times when we all could use a therapist or a life coach due to stress, anxiety, grief. Most therapists and life coaches have a therapist and/or life coach. In the industry we often advise, “Don’t go to a therapist or a life coach that doesn’t have a therapist or life coach.” I believe as we keep evolving as a society that sometime in the future everyone will have a therapist and life coach on speed dial just like we do a doctor. 

We, as a society, need to start thinking more about preventative care for mental health and wellness, just as we do our physical health. If you care about physical health, why wouldn’t you take care of your mental health just the same? It’s important for us to take care of our mental wellness on a regular basis, and not wait until we are in a breakdown to seek help. 

Here are 15 things that you can manage now that may be affecting your mental well-being that you may not realize:
(Note: These tips can help many people, but does not replace therapy)

1. What You Read, Watch, and Listen
Think of what you read, watch, and listen to as your mental heatlh and fitness. If you wouldn’t eat junk food because it wreaks havoc on your system, don’t feed your mind junk. That includes watching too much news and drama. Whether you realize it or not, you are influenced by everything you take in. Many of us are aware that watching too much news can be depressing, but this also includes your social media feed, known as “doom scrolling,” especially with political posts. Just because you agree doesn’t mean it’s healthy for you. News agencies know we get hooked on drama so they create more of it to keep you hooked. If your news and social media is making you upset and angry, step away. Nothing will change with you fighting with people who disagree with you. Twitter is full of adults acting like children, name-calling, mocking, and pointing fingers on both sides. Find more productive ways to make use of your time.

Tip: Be mindful of what you read, watch, and listen to. Opinionated cable news shows are just as bad as tabloid gossip magazines. If your favorite news shows are upsetting you, it may be time to look for more fact-based news that doesn’t cause a rise in you. The mind likes to think, “We need to know what’s going on.” Getting your news from fact-based sources like the Associated Press or Reuters helps to keep you informed without all of the extra play on your emotions to keep you hooked. Like any addiction, your mind may miss all the drama at first, but stick with it, eventually you will enjoy the peace more. 
Filter out social media content that’s upsetting to you, and replace it with content based on your interests like movies, books, music, dance, gardening, home improvement, or decorating.

2. The Music You Listen To
We all know that music can energize us and make us dance. But music can also make us feel sad. If you’re already sad, music that tugs at your heart strings can make you feel worse, especially if you are going through a breakup or a difficult time. You start listening to breakup songs like “How Can I Live Without You?” by Leanne Rimes or “Mad World” by Gary Jules. Just because a song resonates deeply with you doesn’t mean it’s good for your mental health. The mind, aka, “the ego” (our lower self), loves wallowing in misery and sadness. It finds a lot of comfort there. But this is where you have the power to stop what the ego wants to do and drag you down the rabbit hole of despair. The more you go down that rabbit hole, the harder it feels to get out of it. This is because the mind builds neuropathways for negativity in the brain. However, you have the power to take charge of your mental well-being and say, “I see you, ego, and I’m not going to let you take us down there.” It doesn’t mean ignoring what you’re feeling — quite the opposite. Your next step is to find healthier ways to heal and manage your sadness, such as through a book, or hire a life coach, or a therapist to give you tools that will help guide you out of it. 

Tip: Listen to songs that heal and help you move on. Songs that give you hope and empower you. Try: “Let it Be,” Beatles, “I Can Only Imagine,” Mercy Me, “Beautiful,” Christina Aguilera, “Cover Me in Sunshine,” Pink. Create your own playlist.

3. The People You Spend Time With
Everyone knows that person. It’s usually someone you’ve known for a very long time. You love them because you’ve known them forever, but they drain your energy. All they do is complain. Years go by, and no matter what you’ve done to try to help them, nothing ever seems to change.

Tip: You have the right to limit your time with those who drain you. See them when you’re feeling up to it. Choose to spend time and surround yourself with people who feel good and lift your soul.

4. Not Speaking Up
Next time you get upset with a friend, family member, or co-worker, pause and ask yourself, “What am I really upset about?” You will be surprised that many times the reason you are upset is because someone said something hurtful (maybe unintentionally), and you didn’t speak up for yourself. It doesn’t mean going in all up in their face defending yourself. That actually shows a lack of power and self-control. Instead, start sharing how you feel or your point of view.

Tip: Take small steps in speaking your mind. Be open that your friends and family may disagree. Allow their opinions to exist along with yours. Also, take into account what’s worth standing up for and what’s worth your peace of mind, leaving it alone and being okay with them being wrong. When you know you’re making a conscious choice, rather than taking a back seat, you will have more peace of mind.

5. Putting Everyone Else First
If you’re a mom, a nurse, or a kind, compassionate, generous person, you may fall into this category where you put everyone else’s needs before your own. Eventually, you start feeling people are taking advantage of you. You feel drained and sometimes resentful.

Tip: No one is going to put yourself first unless you do. See numbers 6 and 7.

6. Not Knowing How to Say “No”
People who put everyone else first tend to be the same who don’t know how to say, “No.” If you want to reclaim more of your time back or stop doing things you don’t want to do, you have to start learning how to say, “No.”

Tip: Saying “No” doesn’t have to be mean or impolite. You can turn down someone nicely by saying, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t at this time,” or “I’m sorry, I can’t at this time,” or “I’m sorry, but it isn’t right for me.” Also, start learning how to say “No” instead of leaving your friends and family hanging. Saying “No” is a sign of self-love and self-confidence. Your friends and family will be happier you to gave them an answer rather than not responding at all. 

7. Not Saying “Yes”
Not saying yes has a lot with not feeling worthy and always putting yourself last. Want to start living happier? Start saying “Yes” to the things you want to say “Yes” to in life.

Say “Yes” to that girl’s weekend. Say “Yes” to reviving date night, even with yourself. Say “Yes” to signing up for that yoga class. Say “Yes” to investing in that course that’s going to make your business or life better.

Tip: Start now. What are you a “yes” for in your life? Write a list and share it with a friend.

8. Not Setting Boundaries
Learning to say “No” is part of setting boundaries. Boundaries are for people you feel are overstepping their bounds with you. It could be a family member taking advantage of your kindness or someone saying or doing something rude or hurtful to you. Whether it’s intentional or unintentional, you need to say something. After all, you shouldn’t have to keep avoiding friend or family gatherings because you’re afraid of setting a boundary, especially when you love everyone else who is going to be there.

Tip: Setting boundaries can be very uncomfortable at first. Try setting boundaries with love. It’s better to approach someone trying to help them understand than approaching them with anger. When you approach people with anger, don’t be surprised if you trigger them and they react defensively. If a gentler approach doesn’t work, then you may have to kick it up a notch and be firmer, but all the while try to maintain a sense of calm, firmness, and composure as best you can. I don’t always do well on this either, but I always work on being better next time and I’m always open compromise and solutions.

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Kat OM is the author of Resilient Love: Turn Your Wounds into Your Wings, blogger, and Resilience Mindset Coach. Kat helps her readers and clients find healing, empowerment, and resilience through mindful tools and practices. You can find Kat OM at: KatOMLife.com | IG: kat.om.transform.your.life | FB: katOM30