Is Perfectionism Blocking Your Happiness?

Recently the popular Facebook page, “The Master Shift” with 3,016,124 followers shared the post below on their page:

The comments were divided among two different kinds of people. The people who thought it was a beautiful message. And those who couldn’t get over the typos.

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The post itself is innocuous. But what it reflects is each person’s perception. When you focus on perfection and flaws, you will see more flaws. The people who didn’t focus on flaws received a beautiful message instead.

. . .

Then the other day on my walk. It was a gorgeous, sunny summer day. I was so happy to be outside after several days of rain. I came to the part of my walk where I see, “Joe,” an older volunteer, who has been cleaning the leaves and debris that have collected on the edges of the pavement on a wooded path in the park. I stopped to ask him how he was doing? He said, “I’m good. But, no one cares about this place? The parks department doesn’t care? That’s why I’m out here” (actually, it is a lovely and well-maintained park). I am also grateful to volunteers like Joe, who help keep the park clean. Joe went on to say, “Look at the tree that’s fallen over there. It’s been there for over a month, but they don’t care.”

I looked up and over and see there was a dead tree that had fallen in the wooded, grassy area of the path. I walk on this path nearly every day and never noticed the tree had fallen and looking pretty parched. But as I looked at it, I see it as a part of nature. In the woods, if a tree falls, there aren’t landscapers out there clearing it unless it’s blocking a road. It will eventually break down over time, decompose, and work its way back into the earth the way nature takes care of fallen trees.

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There is a beauty to the wild naturalness of nature. I love the ivy that has adorned itself all over the trees. It looks mystical to me. I don’t want them to cut and mow down the periwinkle-colored wildflowers in favor of perfectly manicured lawns. I love walking by them and feeling like I am in a meadow of wildflowers only ten minutes from my apartment in Queens, New York.

. . .

In my opinion, I believe both examples have to do with our society’s obsession with perfection. And it’s that perfection that makes people stressed out, annoyed, frustrated, and unhappy. The unrealistic standards of perfection. That everything has to be a certain way. Rather than chilling and enjoying the beauty of what is.

Many people also don’t realize that all this stress, annoyance, and frustration is something they do to themselves. To them, it’s the fault of the person who didn’t do a perfect job. The perfectionists’ mind is cultivated to see what’s wrong. And they’re very proud of it and their standards. Not realizing they are choosing to see what’s wrong, rather than to see the beauty, and that’s the real cause of their dissatisfaction.

I know someone’s saying, “Wait, I’m not choosing to see anything wrong?” And they’re right to an extent. It’s because we are not taught that we have a choice. Instead, we live on autopilot and are taught, “That’s just the way we are.” But happiness is a choice you make.

When you live a life on autopilot you are allowing the world around you to be in control of your emotions. When you realize everything is a choice. That you have a choice in how you see things. You can let little things go and choose happiness, peace, love, or joy, whatever you want to feel instead of stress, frustration, or annoyance.

As a non-perfectionist myself, to which my ex, a stressed-out perfectionist himself, used to say, “You’re okay with so-so and just good enough.” Now, as a certified life coach, I’ve learned from textbooks on healing perfectionism that “good enough” is not a bad place to be. There’s a lot more room for happiness and a lot less pressure and stress to be found there. That is if you want less stress, and more peace, and happiness in your life.

Of course, this isn’t absolute. Nothing is absolute except maybe death and real love. In many cases we do need perfectionism, like in surgery. No one wants a “just good enough” heart surgeon. And prescriptions need to be typo-free because it can mean the difference between life and death. You don’t want to stop taking pride in your work, but you also don’t want to overlook joy and beauty in your life because something wasn’t perfect. And if someone makes a mistake, especially if it causes no harm to anyone, let it go. Finding mistakes doesn’t make you a better or smarter person. What it makes you is uptight. We all make mistakes. Instead, find the balance. Everything in life is about balance. Where we can find the balance between doing great work and letting go and finding the beauty in what is.

This way, after the heart surgeon completes the perfect surgery, they take a stroll in the park and notice the beauty of wildflowers and not dead trees.

. . .

Kat OM is the author of Resilient Love: Turn Your Wounds into Your Wings, blogger, and Spiritual Mindset Resilience Coach. Kat helps her readers and clients find healing through self-love, spirituality, and mindfulness tools to add more peace, joy, and resilience in their lives. You can find Kat OM at:
KatOMLife.com | IG: kat.om.life_resilient.love | FB: katOM30