If You Want the People in Your Life to be More Honest with You? Then You Have to Be the Kind of Person Who Can Handle It

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Familiar scene. Two people get into a disagreement. When they finally clear the air and makeup, one friend says to the other, “I wish you would have said something a long time ago instead of holding it in all this time.”

The truth is, a lot of us say that and we mean it (at the time), but when it actually happens, not everyone can handle it. Instead, when your friend tries to tell you something is bothering them, there’s often defensiveness or excuses wanting them to see your point of view. And a disagreement ensues.

We all know it’s not easy to come out and tell someone something is bugging you. We don’t know how our friend is going to react? You’re afraid of coming off as petty or stupid for feeling the way you do. You can’t help it, but it keeps gnawing at you. You wind up not saying anything at all and keeping your distance.

I love my mom to pieces. I couldn’t have asked for a better mother. But no matter how much you love someone, something will come up that bugs you if you spend enough time together. I try to be honest to nip it in the bud than let it fester. I’m definitely not perfect myself,; I do my share of things that drives my mother nuts too. But when I tell her, she gets upset. And tells me she didn’t mean to do anything wrong.

I know she didn’t mean it. My mom is a total sweetheart. But it does make me realize that when someone tries to tell you how they feel (if you're setting boundaries, there is a right and wrong way to do it); If you get upset, you’re actually…

1) Preventing them from being honest with you again because you don’t handle it well.

2) Putting a roadblock in building a better, healthier relationship with them.

My mom and I worked it out, and our relationship continues to get better.

Think of times when you told someone how you felt, and they heard and honored what you were feeling. It’s the best feeling when you approach someone about something that’s been getting to you, and they apologize and try to make it better. It brings you closer. Doesn’t it? Don’t take these moments for granted.

I recently said to my family in a group chat, “Why do I always have to be the one to confirm our family Zoom calls?” And the one time I didn’t, no one told me it was canceled. It may sound trivial. I know we all lead busy lives, but I’m glad my brother-in-law took it seriously and apologized. The following week, he confirmed the family Zoom call. I thanked him. I really did appreciate and noticed the effort. If he or anyone in the family became defensive or annoyed, it could have had a totally different outcome. I was happy I spoke up, cleared the air, and how things worked out. It makes you want to do nice things back for them.

It’s easy to be happy when someone hears us. But we have to remember to be the person who listens when it’s our turn. By doing this, you will build happier, stronger relationships.

Until next time,
Sat Nam and Namaste Love

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Kat OM is the author of Resilient Love: Turn Your Wounds into Your Wings, blogger, and Spiritual Mindset Resilience Coach. Kat helps her readers and clients find healing through self-love, spirituality, and mindfulness tools to add more peace, joy, and resilience in their lives. You can find Kat OM at:
KatOMLife.com | IG: kat.om.life_resilient.love | FB: katOM30