Society Says, "Stop Saying 'I'm Sorry,'" But Also Says, "Those Who Say Sorry First are the Strongest"

So, which one is it?

Kat OM Life, Spiritual Conscious Living and Musings on Everyday Life

Image of a typewriter with the words “I’m Sorry” typed. Photo credit: Pedro Sala

You may have seen social media posts that say, “Stop saying you’re sorry.” And thousands of people will “Like” it. These stories have become a viral media trend now. But then, a few days later, you’ll see another post that says, “Those who say sorry first are the strongest people,” and sometimes the same people will “Like” and share this story as well. And I’m like, “Wait? I thought saying ‘I’m sorry’ was a weakness, now it isn’t? Well, which one is it?”

Personally, I think saying I’m sorry is a strength. I think we live in a world that doesn’t forgive enough. We’re really good at holding grudges, thinking we are setting boundaries when really we are just being uncommunicative and stubborn.

I’m all about setting boundaries, but there are right and wrong ways to do it. The right way can help build relationships. The wrong way can make greater divides. I’ll write about the right way to set boundaries in an upcoming story.

But getting back to not saying, “I’m sorry,” can really appeal to our lower selves that loves playing the victim. It can feel so empowering not to say we’re sorry as if we were stepping into our power. But it’s a false sense of power.

When I was married before, I was on a personal development route and became a life coach. There were times I wasn’t even mad at my then-husband anymore, but my ego wouldn’t let me apologize or offer a peace treaty. So I would stick it out by watching old movies on cable, so he got the point. My stubbornness would rather stay holed upstairs in the bedroom sulking, watching old reruns on a beautiful Saturday afternoon than be out enjoying the day together somewhere. My ego, the small, wounded bratty child in me, convinced me that this was the smart thing to do. This was right was the better route for us. (You can read more about how the need to be right hurts our relationships in my other story, “Do You Prefer to Be Right or Choose to Be Happy?”).

The advice they’re giving on social media is, “If you’re late, don’t say you’re sorry, instead say ‘thank you for waiting for me.” Speaking on behalf of the frustrated friend who made the effort to be on time and is left waiting (this is for the repeat lateness offenders, not first-time offenders), I’m sorry, but I don’t want a “thank you for waiting for me.” I want an apology. I want to hear, “I’m sorry for being late. Again. And I will make an effort to be on time next time.” You can thank me for waiting after saying that. I did say, “It would have been nice if you texted me you were going to be late, so I wasn’t standing out here wondering when you were going to arrive?” But yes, I let it go so we could enjoy the day. The old me would have been annoyed and resentful with my friend the rest of the day. Instead, we had a lovely day at the beach.

I understand there are people who, if they even bump into you they are so sorry for accidentally bumping into you; you would have thought they ran over your dog. That is who this is for; people with high low self-esteem. But it’s not for the majority of us. The rest of us could probably stand to get into the practice of saying, “I’m sorry,” and forgiveness more often.

When I say, “I’m sorry,” my self-esteem isn’t attached to it. I can say it and not feel it has anything to do with who I am as a person. And that’s where the real work lies. It’s not necessarily in not saying “I’m sorry.” It lies in healing your self-esteem, so it doesn’t take you out personally when you do say, “I’m sorry.”

I have no problem being the first to say, “I am sorry,” these days. If I feel I have done something wrong or when it’s not worth fighting about. And between you and me, most things usually aren’t worth fighting about. However, your ego will try to tell you differently. Bypass your ego and remember your relationships with the people you love or say you love are worth a lot more than being right.

As with everything, there is a balance. Some people say it too often, and some people don’t say it often enough. The key is always finding the balance.

If you think about it, the happiest, confident people know how to apologize without it being an issue. Everyone is happy. And life goes on.

Until next time,
Sat Nam and Namaste Love

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Kat OM is the author of Resilient Love: Turn Your Wounds into Your Wings, blogger, and Spiritual Mindset Resilience Coach. Kat helps her readers and clients find healing through self-love, spirituality, and mindfulness tools to add more peace, joy, and resilience in their lives. You can find Kat OM at:
KatOMLife.com | IG: kat.om.life_resilient.love | FB: katOM30