COVID-19 GRIEF & HOW TO GET THROUGH IT

A friend posted recently...

“I’m not dreaming, am I?”

Each morning, I’ve been waking up with a similar feeling. The feeling reminds me of the feeling of grief. The grief of the loss of a loved one, or after a break up, but not as bad. If you’ve been through grief you know this feeling too. That moment when you open your eyes and reality starts flooding in that it’s not a bad dream, but your new reality. What you loved is now gone.

But even though the grief some of us are experiencing now is not as bad as the loss of a loved one, it’s still bad and we still grieve.

The world as we have known is has drastically changed. For the moment, we have lost our freedom and the life we knew so well. Although only temporarily, it still comes as a shock, and a disbelief and we should honor and acknowledge it.

Many of us are in a mourning state.

The usual 5 stages of grief are: Shock/denial, Anger, Bartering, Depression and then finally Acceptance. I don’t think most people who feel well at home will be bartering, which is when you starting wondering what you could have done differently to have prevented the outcome.

But many of us went into shock and panic―some preparing, and others buying and hoarding way more than they need. Not leaving enough for others. Others were in denial, saying that people were overreacting. And now here in the United States, most of us are either in self-isolation or in state confinement. I like the way New York Gov. Cuomo puts it, “We are taking a ‘Pause.’” Because words matter. Words like “Lockdown” can cause more panic. Making people feel suffocated or that impending doom is near, like preparing for the brunt of a storm to come.

But what we are really doing and why we are in mandatory containment is to help stop and prevent the spreading of this virus. So when you see empty streets, instead of thinking of it as being eerie, think of it as the community coming together to help combat this virus. There are still people who think they are invincible, or are still in the denial stage thinking this is not so bad. Honestly, I don’t know what else has happen to start making them realize what is going on in our world, or they simply don’t care how their actions may cause more harm to others. Not realizing this virus can spread from people who look healthy to people with immune deficiencies. We think people with immune deficiencies are rare, but people who are at high risk range from the elderly to people with cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart and lung disease. Now, that’s starting to include more people you may know. These rare people start having names and faces. Maybe they’re friends and even family. So, what we are really all doing is helping our communities, neighbors, hospitals, doctors and nurses to reduce the number of patients by staying off the streets to reduce the number of new cases, as new cases have been doubling daily. Things are adding up very quickly. New York City went from 173 cases on March 10 to over 5,000 cases by March 20, only 10 days later.  

Good news is China, a country with over 80,000 cases has been strictly practicing containment and have reduced the spread of the virus tremendously. To go as far as experiencing 1000s of new cases daily in the early stages to zero new cases per day.

While we are home now practicing our own containment here in the U.S., we may get nervous hearing the news of new cases as it will continue to grow over the next couple of weeks as the people didn’t know they had the virus were spreading it to unsuspecting people. They are now forced to stay home unable to spread it further. Eventually, the results of our containment will start showing as less new cases will develop. This is what we are working towards. 

We may feel anger and depression during our isolation period set in. Taking care of your mental and emotional well-being is hugely important now. It’s being aware and mindful of what you are feeling. And acknowledging it. Knowing it’s okay to feel what you are feeling. It’s okay to feel angry and depressed. Not only is it okay, it’s normal to feel that way with everything that is going on.

But at the same time, you have to ask yourself, “Do I want to feel this way?” Because feeling that way really sucks. This is where it is helpful for you to know you have the power not to allow what you feeling be in control of you, but to be in control of what you are feeling.

So here are easy tools you can use:

If you feel scared, ask yourself, “How do I want to feel?”
It's probably to feel safe.
Then ask yourself, “What can you do to make yourself feel more safe?”
First, stop watching the news. It’s really important to protect yourself from these nerve racking stories. If you are home safe, then you don’t need to know what’s going on out there. There’s nothing more you can do to help than stay home.
Instead, try looking for articles where countries are succeeding in the fight against the virus. This will help shift your mindset to feeling more secure.  

Maybe you are feeling depressed?
Then ask yourself, “What could I do to make me feel less depressed?”
Watch a funny movie, call a funny friend, do something you love. Right now is the best time to throw yourself into doing something you love.

The other thing we can do, is write it out. Write out everything you are feeling. Get out of you to release it,
and then burn it in a safe place or rip it up and flush everything you don’t want to hold onto down the toilet where it belongs.

This virus does not care your race, gender, political beliefs, how rich you are, or if you are a celebrity. It’s made us all equal, bringing us together. I love watching all of the wonderful amazing inspiring stories coming out of how people and communities that are stepping up and are helping one another. Ellen DeGeneres and Jimmy Fallon have been entertaining us from home. Chris Martin and John Legend gave free concerts. Showing us they are just like us, and we are all in this together. We saw images and videos of people in Italy singing from their balconies in solidarity. The team that successfully got the virus under control in China, are now in Italy, helping them get the virus under control. This is the beauty of what comes out of dark times is the humanity. I think one thing we can learn, is how connected we really are. This was the Universe’s way to help bring us together. To see that we are all one and to work together. All I know is that my greatest lessons always came from my darkest times.

This may also be a time to help us see what earth is like without man interfering. We would never have been able to get the data we have now on the pollution we cause. But with streets and businesses shut scientists are able to gather that data. The canals in Venice are clear again and dolphins are swimming in the canals. Animals are exploring busy streets once in habited by man. This moment may change the way we do things in the future and give earth time to heal.

Like the quote I read, “It’s like the Universe put us in a big time out, to make us think about what we have done.”

What can we do to do things better?

Right now, during this period where we are at home, staying connected to your spirit is what is going to pull you through. Spirit is the light inside us that sees hope. Stay connected to love because is energizes you. Fear and love can not exist in the same space.

Stay connected to your faith and trust, knowing that God always has a plan, even if don’t understand it at the time and
”Do not fear.”

We are only here in this world temporarily.

But we are here on this earth now. And we don’t know how long we will be in containment. It may be a few weeks or a couple of months before we can get back to work and school. And even longer before we get back to the way life as we knew it. Some experts say things may not go back to the way they were for a very long time. It may cause us to get used to this lifestyle of being more prepared and adapt to new procedures our government may have to implement to prevent a second outbreak. Just as we got used to taking our shoes off at the airport and separating our garbage.

I also believe in hope and setting intentions for something better, including miracles. And I pray for a miracle. And hope that the late psychic Silvia Browne is correct in her predictions when she wrote in her book, End of Days, “In around 2020 a severe pneumonia like illness will spread throughout the globe, attacking the lungs and the bronchial tubes and resisting all known treatments. Almost more baffling than the illness itself will be the fact that it will suddenly vanish as quickly as it arrived, attack again ten years later, and the disappears completely.” If it does come back 10 years from now, may we be wiser next time around.

We are all in a huge transition period right now. We aren’t used to living this way. It’s a huge unbelievable adjustment and a lot of fear. And as with many adjustments to things we don’t like, we resist. Things are not going to be easy for us for a while, but I keep thinking it may not be easier on us at home, but I am grateful for the doctors and nurses, the grocery stores, the truckers, the farmers and delivery people that are helping us all get through this. Then I realize I have the easy part. Many of us will continue to bounce back and forth between shock, anger and depression. How smoothly you get through this depends on how well you are using and resourcing tools that are available to you to help get you through this. Eventually, the majority of us will level out and come to acceptance. Things that seem out of the ordinary, like wearing a mask to go out in public and not shaking hands, will start feeling routine. And as things start feeling more routine, you will start feeling more comfortable with it. These times are asking us to rise up and find a new way of being. To reach into the core of who we are and bring out the best in ourselves to “Go with the flow,” as my doorman Sidney says, and not resist, is what will help pull us out of our grief. And remembering what is really important, like love, connection, community, will make us more resilient during this time and after. We will get through this together.

~ Namaste loves