14 Ways Emotionally Mature People Handle Disagreements Differently

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By Kat OM, Spiritual Mindset Resilience Coach, Helping you keep your heart open in the world through love and awareness

Many people think they’re being the emotionally mature one during a disagreement if they walk away or refuse to talk to someone until they change their behavior. But often, those behaviors can be toxic if it’s done with hostility to show the other person a lesson.

Emotionally mature people don’t always agree, but their disagreements are more civil, considerate, and solution-oriented than emotionally immature disputes. Emotionally immature conflicts often spiral around and go nowhere. They waste a lot of time on who’s right and who’s wrong rather than working on a solution. Where and how they can both do better moving forward?

This may come as a surprise, but being emotionally mature has nothing to do with how wealthy or successful someone is or how many degrees they have. You probably know of someone seemingly intelligent, successful, powerful, and maybe even influential, but they are completely unapproachable and toxic.

Emotional maturity, surprisingly, also isn’t about how loving and kind you are. Loving and kind people can get easily hurt and shut down if you approach them with an issue you want to discuss.

However, emotional maturity is crucial during a disagreement. It’s the key that helps us resolve problems without a lot of drama.

Below are the 14 ways emotionally mature people handle disagreements.
You may see yourself in some or even all of them. If you don’t, the good news is emotional maturity can be taught. It is a practice we can learn to work on every day for happier and healthier relationships. Read below and see how well you do…

14 Ways Emotionally Mature People Handle Disagreements Differently:

1. They Know the Importance of Discussing Issues
If something is bothering an emotionally mature person, they find the courage to discuss it (if the person is open to discussion). They know that unresolved issues can fester into resentment and distance over time and harm relationships. They talk things out. They don’t expect you to be a mind reader and try to figure it out. They try to nip things in the bud calmly and maturely.

You can read my other story on, “If You Want People to be Honest with You, You Have to Be the Kind of Person to Handle It.”

2. They Discuss Things with Respect and Maturely
A lot of times, when people are angry, they want to vent their anger and frustration on the person they are upset with. However, emotionally mature people, if triggered, will take the time out to calm down, so they don’t take out their anger on you. They don’t name call, mock, or make fun of you. What they want is to have an open discussion with you, and they know being too emotional will distort any progress.

3. They Don’t Waste Time on Who’s to Blame or Who’s at Fault
So much time can be wasted rehashing over and over again whose fault it was. It’s often a long and exhausting process that leads nowhere. Emotionally mature people cut to the chase. They look to resolve the issue and find a solution with compassion and understanding. Isn’t that the best part of a disagreement? When you finally get to the part where you discuss how you are going to work things out? Focus on solutions, not the problem.

You can read my other story: “Boundaries Not Working for You? Try This Instead.”

4. They Look to See Their Role in the issue
Emotionally mature people work on being self-aware. They always look to see what their role was in the issue. What they may have done that led to the issue?

5. They Don’t Always Have to Be Right
Now, here’s something that goes against everything our primal instincts relies on. You don’t always have to be right. Some of the worst and most ridiculous disagreements stem from our need to be right and others wrong. Especially with our loved ones. Our ego loves to be right and loves to make the other person wrong. Ego doesn’t care if it keeps you stuck there for a very long time over the most ridiculous things. Think of ego as your wounded and spoiled inner child. Let go of the need to be right all of the time. Sometimes both people are right, and sometimes both people are wrong. 

Check out my other story, “Do You Choose to Be Right or Happy?”

6. They Always Look at the Other Side
Emotionally mature people don’t think only from their point of view. They know the other person has their side of the story too. So they will always put themselves in the other person’s position to get the whole picture. Understanding the full story helps us to be less angry, let go of the need to be right. And come up with better solutions that make everyone happy.

7. They Are Accountable. And Quick to Apologize If They’re at Fault
Since emotionally mature people are self-aware, look to see their role in the issue, and put themselves in the other person’s shoes, it’s easy for them to hold themselves accountable if they were in the wrong. This doesn’t mean they accept blame. There’s a difference. People can wrongfully blame you for things you did not do based on their perception of the situation. But when an emotionally mature person does recognize where they are at fault. It’s easy for them to be accountable for their role and apologize.

8. They are Forgiving
Emotionally mature people are very forgiving. But that doesn’t mean they are doormats. Remember number one. Emotionally mature people know when and how to speak up if there is an issue.

9. They Are Compassionate When It’s Not Easy
It’s easy to be compassionate towards a homeless man, a wounded vet, a family need and throw your empathy behind it. It’s a lot harder to be compassionate towards someone if you are in a disagreement with them. Emotionally mature people won’t turn a blind eye to their loved ones if they disagree. Even during a conflict, they still have compassion. They can be firm but kind.

10. They Don’t Give the Silent Treatment
Emotionally mature people may get quiet after a discussion is over, but they will never give anyone the silent treatment as a form of punishment. Emotionally mature people will always convey what they are feeling. All things being equal and they are talking to another emotionally mature person, they will always allow the other person to be heard or let them know to come back at a better time.

11. They Let Things Go/They Don’t Hold Grudges
Emotionally mature people know how to let things go. They won’t keep bringing up the same thing repeatedly as ammunition to use against you or make fun of you. They won’t keep making you pay for something over and over again.

12. They Know When to End the Discussion
Right up there with letting things go. Emotionally mature people also know when a discussion has run its course. They know when a conversation is going nowhere or when a conclusion has been drawn. They know how to end a discussion and not needlessly drag things out.

13. If you Have an Issue with Them
If you know an emotionally mature person, you know you can talk to them if you have a problem. Of course, it’s not always easy to bring up something that’s been bugging you, but you know you can talk to them. If you have an issue with an emotionally mature person, they won’t run away and 
shut you out. They won’t tell you you’re wrong or crazy. They will consider what you are saying and discuss it with you with heart.

14. They Recognize When They are the Toxic One
Emotionally mature people are not perfect. And they know they’re not perfect. They also know they have triggers and work on them, so they’re not controlled by them. Emotionally mature people know some situations can get the better of them, and they are toxic one. If this happens, they will apologize for their behavior. And do their best not to repeat the behavior.

The more you practice developing and exercising your emotional maturity muscles, the more you can resolve issues and have happier, healthier, and easier relationships. Am I perfect at this myself? Absolutely now, but it’s something I try to work on to get better at each time and I’ve seen the difference it’s made on my relationships with family and friends. 

Think about how different the world would be if we all worked on recognizing our own toxicity. Sometimes you can’t wait for others, you have to be the one to lead the way. 

Reminds me of Jim Rohn’s beautiful quote, “The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.’ Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you if you will take care of you for me.’”

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Kat OM is the author of Resilient Love: Turn Your Wounds into Your Wings, blogger, and Spiritual Mindset Resilience Coach based in New York CIty. Kat helps her readers and clients find healing through self-love, spiritual growth, and mindfulness to add more peace, joy, resilience,
and love in their lives.
You can find Kat OM at: KatOMLife.com | IG: kat.om.life_resilient.love | FB: katOM30