Two Characteristics That Make You Too Nice You Need to Ditch. And the 3 You’ll Want to Adopt to Because We Need a Kinder World

You’re too nice,” my friend said. “You’re always the one letting people through, and the guy didn’t even say thank you.”

That was the response I got from my friend when I told her about my self-imposed fender bender last week. I was backing up in my garage so the other car could pass through and wound up backing right into a cement pole. If you missed the story, you can read it here.

True, he didn’t say “thank you,” and true, I am usually the one that offers to back up. But am I too nice? I don’t think so.

What are some of the characteristics of people who are too nice?

1) They Lack Boundaries and Are People Pleasers
People who are too nice are often people pleasers who lack boundaries because they don’t want others to get angry or think badly about them.

I have pretty good, strong, healthy boundaries. I have no problem saying “No” to things I don’t want to do. I’m okay with people being angry with me if I know it’s the right thing for me to do. And because I have good healthy boundaries, the people I choose to be in my life are emotionally healthy people who don’t take it personally if I do say, “No.”

2) They Feel Victimized
People who say they’ve been “too nice” are people who feel they’ve been victimized by the people in their lives or by society. Because they are lacking the boundaries to say “no” and to cut people off.

I don’t feel victimized by anyone around me or by society.

. . .

Why is it, when we do something nice for someone, and they aren’t appreciative, why do we feel like we are the fools? Why do we take the blame where they fall short?

Then what happens is we tend to focus on all of the negativity in the world. This makes us angry, victimized, and too vulnerable to extend ourselves. 
. . .

I told this friend, “I always appreciate the kind drivers who let me through. They make my day. There are enough selfish people in this world. We don’t need more of them. What we need are more kind people in the world to counterbalance the negativity in the world.”

I will tell you that is the huge mistake we make when we give up to become more like them. We have it backward in this world. Giving up doesn’t make you stronger. It makes us weaker. It makes you more angry, tired, defensive, and bitter. And we allow rude, selfish, negative people to dominate the world because the kind people gave up. 

What you need to do is be more of a kindness warrior to help contribute to making this world a better place. In order to be a kindness warrior, you must have these two traits to become more resilient at spreading kindness in the world.

The Two Traits Your Need to Be Resilient in Spreading Kindness in the World

1) Set Your Boundaries
People will take advantage of you if you don’t learn how to set boundaries and have your own back. Once you know who those people are, it’s up to you, not them, to maintain a healthy distance. Not worrying about what they think; you must love and take care of yourself first if they are taking advantage of you. Sometimes that means removing them from your life and loving and wishing them well from afar.

If you want to learn more about setting boundaries, you can read another story I wrote on boundaries here.

2) You Need Healthy Self-Esteem and Confidence
To be kind and spread more kindness into the world, you must have healthy self-esteem and confidence and not take things so personally. If someone doesn’t receive your kindness as you hoped or expected, just move on and continue spreading your kindness with others who are open to receiving it. You never know how you may be impacting someone’s life. There may be someone out there who may need your kindness that day. Kindness also has a domino effect. You’re nice to someone, and they may pay it forward to someone else. And that’s the world we want to live in. 
 
 Remember, kindness can be a smile, a kind word, or just listening to someone. Letting someone know they matter.

3) The World Needs Your Light
Remember this, the world needs your light and more kindness warriors to spread more light and kindness into the world. To be the light, it’s important to connect to your inner light every day. You can do this through yoga and meditation. Sitting in stillness. Put your hand on your heart and breathe into the space between your eyebrows and the crown of your head. This is the space that connects your intuition and your higher self to Source and Divine energy. Doing this every day will recharge you, just like charging your phone. And just like charging your phone, you will run out of energy if you don’t do it. You can also do this by taking a walk and connecting to nature. Doing this on a regular basis will help you become more resilient in sharing and spreading your light with the world. 
 
Trust me, follow and repeat these steps as needed and you won’t ever feel too nice again.
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Kat OM is a resilience mindset coach based in New York City. Her signature program, Mindful Resilience, provides 21 tools and lessons to help keep you emotionally resilient through life. She is also the author of Resilient Love: Turn Your Wounds into Your Wings. You can also find Kat OM at: KatOMLife.com | IG: kat.om.transform.your.life | FB: katOM30