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You meet a guy (or girl) in person or online. You’ve been chatting for a few weeks. Things were going great. You really like them; they seemed to like you too. Maybe you went out on a couple of dates; maybe you were making your way to the first date. Then all of a sudden, they stop texting and you want to know why?.

You tried to be chill about it, telling yourself, “Don’t freak out,” and think, “Maybe he’s busy?” “ Maybe he has a family emergency?”

You wonder if you should send the, “I hope you’re doing okay?” Which everyone knows is code for, “Where the hell have you been? Why haven’t you contacted me?” text.

A week later, they still haven’t messaged you. You accept the truth. They’re not interested. Your heart is broken. You wonder, “How can I do this anymore? How can I keep putting my heart out there when I keep getting hurt? I’m done.”
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I don’t write about relationships as much anymore. After, I wrote my book, “Resilient Love: Turn Your Wounds into Your Wings,” on what I learned about love, marriage, and healing after a divorce and a breakup. It was cathartic for me to write my journey through healing. I stopped writing on relationships and coaching too. I was happy that my book has helped people heal and move forward. However, I was ready to move on too and shifted to coaching and writing on mindfulness, empowerment, and having a resilient, joyful mindset. Whis is what I still love to write and coach on today.

But, I still see women (and men) heartbroken over dating and posing the same questions about love and dating over and over again, “How can I meet my soulmate?” “When will I meet my soulmate?” “He stopped texting me? What should I do?” And it makes me want to come out of relationship coaching retirement to write blogs on the answers to their questions. Because I know I can help those who are ready for change to develop a resilient love mindset and save them so much heartbreak.
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Today, I’m going to address how you can keep your heart from breaking when you first meet someone you really like. I’m going to give it to you straight. No messing around. Here’s what you need to know about dating and how not to get your heart broken early in the dating process. I’m going to help put things into perspective for you.

Save this, share it with your best friends, and refer back to it as often as needed.
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Here goes. Okay, so you met this guy (or woman). You thought it was going to go somewhere, but it didn’t? Now your heart is broken.

First, things first. Let’s get something straight. You hardly know this person? What? You knew them for a few weeks, maybe a few months, or you knew him already but you were getting to know him better? Sure, it may have felt like a connection, but truth is, you didn’t really know him. So, it wasn’t love; it was hope. Our minds can make up a lot of crap when we fantasize about how good it could have been. Our vision is always perfect with no flaws. Who knows, maybe a few months down the road this guy turns out to be everything you didn’t want. Better to get over it now instead of investing time in it. He wasn’t the right guy. Because the right guy would have seen the value in you. No one is worth giving away your power to them, if they didn’t respect or see the value in you.

The fact that it didn’t work out doesn’t mean you’re unloveable, or won’t meet the right person someday.

I know you’re tired. Tired of putting your heart out there again, and again.

Keep reading…
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Why Does This happen?
We live in a society that places so much pressure on being in a relationship. We think something’s wrong with us if we’re not in a relationship. It makes us feel empty and alone. We look to a romantic partner to fill all that void in us even before we meet them. Then you when you finally do meet someone, you place all these hopes, dreams, and expectations onto this person to fill your, needs.

Let me break it to you. That’s not love. Nowhere in the sceanario do you love the other person for who they are. Which is what love really is. They are only there to fill your needs.

That’s a hell of pressure to place on someone. Who wants to be on the receiving end of that? And they can feel that pressure. It doesn’t feel fun, relaxed and easy; it feels like an agenda. No one wants that responsibility.

Read this part carefully: the only takers are usually the ones that are only capable of an unhealthy toxic relationship. Which is why you usually wind up with what I call is your “next lesson.”

You’ve probably been on the opposite side of this scenario too. You’re dating or talking to someone that seems a little too needy, eager to please, and insecure. You know they want more from you, but you’re not that interested. And what do you do? You start backing away.

So How Do You Keep Your Heart from Breaking in the Beginning?

1) Stop Future Tripping
When you meet someone you’re interested in, don’t start future tripping that this guy is it. He’s so great! He’s it! He’s the one who’s going to be the answer to all your prayers.

Slow down. Pace yourself.

Be interested and curious in learning more about them. Get to know him before you give your heart to him. But most of all, relax, have fun like you’re meeting and getting to know a great friend, and if it turns into something more, awesome!
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2) Be Honest About What You Are Looking For
I know; I just said don’t start future tripping. Future tripping is making the person your partner before there is a partnership. But if you’re looking for a relationship? Be honest. You can look for a relationship without future tripping by taking things day by day and seeing where it goes?

I met this guy when I first got divorced. One of his first questions he asked me was, “Are you looking for a relationship?” I thought, “He doesn’t even know me?” It felt too quick and rushed. I was newly divorced. I definitely wan’t ready to get into another relationship right away. Years later, I realized he had every right to ask me that question, because he knew what he wanted and it weeds out the people, like me at the time, who aren’t ready.

If you find out he’s not ready for a relationship and just wants something casual? The worst thing you can do is play it cool. Thinking he might change his mind down the road. You’re setting yourself up for heartbreak. Do yourself a favor and cut your losses and set him loose. He’s not the guy and he’s not the only guy. If he doesn’t want the same as you, he’s not for you. You’re better off alone.
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Final Words
If I can leave you with any last words of advice, date someone because you like who they are, not because you need them or they fill a void. Be okay with being alone and loving your life until then. Go out and love life with your friends.

If you do meet someone, one thing I learned about love and getting married; when a guy really likes you, he will make it known. He will do everything he can to win you over. If he’s not that into you or just using you, he will string you along, and you won’t know where you stand.

It is up to you, not him, to know your worth. The moment you have to ask someone to respect you, and you stay, you lose. Someone who values you will always treat you with respect.

It’s up to you, not him, to get yourself out of situations where you are not being valued or respected. You have to have your own back.

The more you value yourself, the more you will be interested in the one who honors and respects you. And you will be less interested and walk away from the one who don’t.
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If you want to learn more and dive deeper, you can read my book, “Resilient Love: Turn Your Wounds into Your Wings.”
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Kat OM is a resilience mindset coach based in New York City. Her signature program, Mindful Resilience, provides 21 tools and lessons to help keep you emotionally resilient through life. She is also the author of Resilient Love: Turn Your Wounds into Your Wings. You can also find Kat OM at: KatOMLife.com | IG: kat.om.transform.your.life | FB: katOM30

How to Keep Your Heart from Getting Broken When You First Start Dating Someone